I Want To Break Free

It had been more than 30 minutes. The audio interface was still connected to the laptop, with Logic Pro on, the track continuously playing on repeat - over and over again. The bass was still connected, through the noise suppressor with the help of a red fender lead and a yellow warwick patch cable which was connected to the audio interface. Recording bass was done more than an hour back. I finished listening to a song called Whiskey Lullaby suggested by Kuhu. I ended up crying. Not because of a girl I really felt a strong connection with, but because of the fact that nothing ever seemed to fall in place for me. Ever. Its just not fair. Its been more than 2 years now. I have just been going down. My level of confidence, self respect, courage, honor, dignity. Everything is fading away. I am very lonely, no one even makes the effort to call me. Its as if I don't exist at times. Im far behind everything else. The train just passed me by, and I couldn't get on it. There was always someone who just pushed me away from the entry door of the train. Someone always didn't let me be successful, and this pouts to everyone in general. I really feel as if I'm taken for granted. I mean, why the fuck does this happen to me? Why cant just things work out for me, just once. All I need is that push, that drive, that taste of success. Just enough that I can get back on my feet. With no disrespect to anyone, I feel betrayed, hurt, tensed, irritated, stressed, tired. Im tired of all this bullshit. I cannot possible take it anymore. So whats in store now?  I just hope its something which is not bad. 

I really feel like running away somewhere. Just start fresh. TOTALLY FRESH. Away from everything. Because sadly, the music doesn't help me anymore. I mean, just run away man. Some place away from all the monotonous bullshit. Away from all the pain, from the misery, from the fucking human race. Just me and the nature. Just sometime to figure out what I really want to do and how I'm going to go about it. Let the trees, the clouds, the mountains, the flowers give me the inspiration to get up on my feet, for life is for living. Not for sitting around thinking about what you don't have. At some point of time, materialistic objects don't matter. Its the feelings that count the most. I really feel like sometimes I just didn't have feelings, I would rather be a robot than a human, all neutral and complex. Just not easy to figure out so that no one can get through my head. I really don't know what Im trying to do. 

Ive been sad for the past 2 hours now. I don't seem to find a way to feel better, rather than just sleeping and hoping that tomorrow will at least be better than today, but that just doesn't happen. Till when will this just keep happening? Music has lost its touch, my friends have drifted apart, theres no sign of love anywhere, hope is fading drastically. Please help me, raise me up. Raise me up, save me from the stormy seas, the dark clouds. Save me from the devils of hell, save me from the hate, save me from the sadness. Save me, for it is you who I rely on. For you it is you whom I trust. Guide me to the light at the end of the tunnel, for I am stranded somewhere in between. Show me the glimpse of the light that cuts through the deep realms of darkness. I am trapped. I want to break free. Help me break free, I need you. NOW.