Its funny how sometimes a normal night stay with good old friends and two emotional movies with Emma Watson do to you. Its been 24 hours now since I've inhaled any 'herb' so to say and I still feel the same way. The past 2 days were so epic, that I don't even remember them. I'm not joking when I'm saying that. Im just thinking so deeply right now. I just pissed off X so badly. I tried talking to X2 about it but I guess she's sleeping now. Im listening to Trains (Porcupine Tree) right now and I'm feeling very weird. Im in a room where theres a huge kick drum beside me, a chair and a throne (drum throne) which is fallen on the extreme left of the room. Im sitting on a sofa which is so comfortable that I don't even feel like getting up even if I'm alone or hungry or anything. This is different. My exams ended on the 13th of March. I have not written anything since then. This is the first time I'm even opening text edit and writing something down. I guess I really should have used my trips and just write something, but it was supposed to be a secret. And it still is a secret, something you would never know. Unless you're really hot and you'll love me or you're Emma Roberts. Okay, that was supposed to be a joke okay?
Im in the last year of schooling now. There are hardly 8 months of school remaining, then ill be out. I need to make these months count. Somehow, I need to improve my life. I have slowly started to appreciate it and feel good about how it already is, but now its time to just make it better and if there is rejection or failure, NOT BACK DOWN. I do not have a girlfriend, Im looking for love. Being single is irritating me now. So first is that I need to find someone who thinks like me and loves me for what I am. Get into a relationship with that girl, have a nice emotional support so to say? For doing that - I need to lose weight and just clean myself up a bit. I need to start going to gym as soon as possible. I need to grow as a musician. AND I need to get good marks in 12th. Just one year - its either everything, or nothing. The term 'something' doesn't make sense to me anymore. Im done with the term 'something'. That may be very hypocritical but the only thing I have to say in my defense is that I've grown as a person. Every single day, I'm growing and my thoughts will keep changing. Maybe ill stop loving X that much you know. Its all so different yet all linked together. Its like this maze with a simple solution to it, just the way to go about it is not yet sorted out. I really don't know where I'm heading with this but I feel very happy right now and at the same time I feel very sad. I really needed to listen to Xs voice. Its fucking insane. And on top of that, I pissed her off. So i don't know when I'm going to talk to her next. Brilliant!
Im somewhere a bit sad at what has happened in so much time. The world changes so much its not funny. You should try your best to change what you can, and what you can't change - accept it as it is. Not many people can do that. I can't do that. But I will do it now. I just hope that by October 2012, I will have a post here which will be ALL positive. I just hope! My results come out on the 23rd of March. Really anxious and scared for that. I just hope I get a good result so that I can go for Download.
Ps - X and X2 are just people you are not supposed to know about. Hehe. :p
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