Redemption?

"I appreciate everything you've done/felt/thought of me. But talk to me when you know you can handle it."

Yes, she replied. It may be harsh, but its true. I was selfish, self-centered, utterly emotional, and I made a joke of myself. I was a dick. Yeah, I agree to that. I guess the fact that I can reply to her message now is solely because of her reply. It took me ages to figure out what was wrong with me. Embarrassingly, she realized it a long time back and was actually getting pissed off with it while i was connecting the dots. Yeah, I guess I can still say I love her. But now Im sure that I control my emotions with her. I go back to a relation id imagined with her a long time back. A vision that would have been happening right now if I wouldn't have fucked up. Hanging out, having coffee, beers, getting wasted, getting lunch/dinner (without it being called a date), maybe fooling around. Yeah, Id imagined all that. If that much would  have happened, I would have been a happy man. But well, the world is driven by the desire to get more. Greed, as they commonly call it. She saved me. And I still love her for the fact that she is true, she's not concerned with any emotional shit, she helps people, she guides people, she is confident, she is independent. She is just awesome. And well then she's hot and cute and beautiful but thats just what I feel about her. Anyway, the point is - Maybe she will start talking to me again. Maybe I will hear her voice again, her laugh again. Maybe I will get a second chance, and trust me, this time - I will not fuck it up. I SWEAR! And I'm going to become less emotional, at least try to be less emotional. Thats a resolution. Goal? To hang out with her once, just once - just the both of us, as friends. Just two individuals having a blast playing the PS3. Yeah. I just hope it gets back to the good old shit.