Confession

Come to think of it, I never really thought about how you would feel about all this. I mean it was always about what I felt. I tried to ignore you in order to get over you, but that never seemed to work. And then I started blaming you for the condition I was in. Somehow the hate message felt good. I don't know why, but it just did. But that was just momentary and now it feels disgusting and disrespectful when I read it back. Im really sorry. I really don't have anything else to say. I mean, you actually cared for me. I know, whatever I wrote before was totally opposite to this, but somehow I never really meant that. I was an asshole, a big one. You called me and I didn't pick up. It was rude, but frankly, I didn't have the guts to pick up the call. I always wanted to be friends. It was all just perfect. We would have actually had a lot of fun together, But then I got fucked up, cannot really rectify that. My loss. I still remember how we used to talk before and Im sorry that I made it awkward for you. You are an amazing person. I don't even know if you're going to reply to this. I just want you to know, that you were the best thing that happened to me last year, not in terms of anything else - just as a friend. And well, I am emotional. I just can't shut myself can I? Its who I am, and I think that could never change. And please don't call, because I still won't have the guts to pick up the phone, though I would give anything to hear that laugh again. I know that there is no way things can get back to how they were when we were really good friends, and I don't expect anything from you either. I didn't know what I was thinking and it was all my fault. I'm really sorry. Best of luck for your pre-boards, boards. Study hard, and I'm sure you'll get into a really good college here. Best of luck bro, I guess ill never have a friend like you again. 

Bye! Take care, Cuhreep.

I still love her, I don't know when Ill be able to get over her. But eventually ill have to. Its actually time when I need to shutdown myself emotionally. Im all materialistic and into the physical shit? Yeah. Whatever it is, I've lost her. And Im gonna move on! And thats it. Im happy. Whatever happens, happens for the best (I know, very cliched but I feel like writing it, so imma write it like a bawwss).