Its just fucking irritating. Pretending to care, pretending to pay attention, just pretending to notice. Its words and actions that matter. Ive had enough of just sitting alone staring at my laptop screen and doing nothing. I try my best to be what I am, and that always seems to be less. I always seem to fail. May it be as a son, may it be as a friend, anything. I feel the need for belongingness, I feel the need to be appreciated, I feel the need to be respected. Now just look here. If you are reading this. You will see on the right hand side of this page it says more than 1500 views. 1500 views, no comments. NOT A SINGLE COMMENT. What does that do? How does 1500 views make a difference to me if there is no other fucking voice here that has an opinion or thought about my thoughts and what I'm going through. Its like this everywhere. I fucking record the music for everyone. They get the credit for an amazing song, blah blah blah. No one looks at the production, no one looks at the sound quality, no one looks at the effort I put into that track that made it sound good, which in turn made people like it. Its with everyone. With people that I know, with total strangers. Its just everywhere. I always seem to have something to say, whereas the other doesn't even want to get into a conversation with me. Its everyone. I've never felt so isolated. I've hit a creative block. I can't write music that sounds good to me. Ive lost interest in spending hours listening to music. I don't like a single movie out there. I spend my time just staring at my phone and playing Brick Breaker. For what? Everyone is indulged in some activity. They are close with people, they talk. They get appraisal for every single thing they do.
I play the guitar, I'm going to finish Grade 8 this year. Ive had my share of experience with bands. I have more than 20 videos on YouTube. I produce music now as well. Ive recorded around 5-6 songs already (excluding my own). I have a keen interest in photography. I at least find my photographs better than those lame Facebook photography pages. I respect women. I believe in a serious relationship rather than using some girl for psychological pleasure and fun. Still people tend to ignore me, my presence, my abilities. If there's someone paying attention to me - he/she is either badgering me about something that I lack or making it obvious that I have nothing special in me. I sleep every night thinking about all this, just hoping it would all go away when I wake up in the morning. I go to the gym - take out my frustration. Again, hoping that something would change. When it doesn't, I get frustrated. But then I cant do anything because Im in fucking tuition and I have to pay attention and study. I study from morning till evening, hoping that someone makes some plans with me and I have some excursion out of the house. But no, I just keep sitting at home staring at this fucking laptop. FOR WHAT?
If you're reading this. PLEASE COMMENT. Please give me a piece of your mind. Please tell me why there's no person in this fucking world who respects my fucking existence. No, this is not an attempt at increasing the number of fucking comments on my blog. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IM TIRED OF JUST HAVING TO LISTEN TO MYSELF TALK ABOUT WHAT I FEEL. No, I am not having suicidal tendencies. I'm not that weak. Im just sad and broken. I've had enough of having a fucking lame life. Schools going to get over in say 5-6 months. 6 years of nothing. 6 years of pain, suffering, sacrifice. No appreciation, nothing. But the worst thing is. Im not that much of an outcast. Im in no fucking category. There is no one who comes up and tells me that i'm boring or irritating or something. Its just a silent trip. Lips sealed. Really? SPEAK THE FUCK UP!
I play the guitar, I'm going to finish Grade 8 this year. Ive had my share of experience with bands. I have more than 20 videos on YouTube. I produce music now as well. Ive recorded around 5-6 songs already (excluding my own). I have a keen interest in photography. I at least find my photographs better than those lame Facebook photography pages. I respect women. I believe in a serious relationship rather than using some girl for psychological pleasure and fun. Still people tend to ignore me, my presence, my abilities. If there's someone paying attention to me - he/she is either badgering me about something that I lack or making it obvious that I have nothing special in me. I sleep every night thinking about all this, just hoping it would all go away when I wake up in the morning. I go to the gym - take out my frustration. Again, hoping that something would change. When it doesn't, I get frustrated. But then I cant do anything because Im in fucking tuition and I have to pay attention and study. I study from morning till evening, hoping that someone makes some plans with me and I have some excursion out of the house. But no, I just keep sitting at home staring at this fucking laptop. FOR WHAT?
If you're reading this. PLEASE COMMENT. Please give me a piece of your mind. Please tell me why there's no person in this fucking world who respects my fucking existence. No, this is not an attempt at increasing the number of fucking comments on my blog. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IM TIRED OF JUST HAVING TO LISTEN TO MYSELF TALK ABOUT WHAT I FEEL. No, I am not having suicidal tendencies. I'm not that weak. Im just sad and broken. I've had enough of having a fucking lame life. Schools going to get over in say 5-6 months. 6 years of nothing. 6 years of pain, suffering, sacrifice. No appreciation, nothing. But the worst thing is. Im not that much of an outcast. Im in no fucking category. There is no one who comes up and tells me that i'm boring or irritating or something. Its just a silent trip. Lips sealed. Really? SPEAK THE FUCK UP!
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