Its one of those moments when you're just left in shock you know. You have no other option but to look away and walk off. No matter how much you want to revisit that moment again, just to see that face again - you know it was just coincidence. So I was running all around trying to find the balcony of the auditorium. I was kind of high - considering I was quite baked around two hours before that. I reached the backstage area by mistake, and there she was. She hadn't changed one bit. The same t-shirt, small jeans and heels. Maybe she got dreadlocks, but I didn't notice that much. God it was so awkward. I mean, I was sure ill see her one day, somewhere. But I never expected to see her on one of my most important days you know. Im about to go on stage in like an hour and boom - she pops in front of me. I could just stand there and keep staring at her all night, but I guess I did the right thing by just going away. Again, if i hadn't done anything. I would have been sitting with her, chilling out - helping her with the prize distributions and shit. She would have waited for my performance and maybe she would have hugged me after the performance was over. At that time, I was filled with hatred. So much hatred. But now I guess all that seems useless, though the after effects were seen on stage, for sure.
Come to really think of how the whole thing shaped up and fell apart - you tend to miss the moments you spent with a person rather than the person. You want those moments to come back, rather than the person. Its like I've written in one of my songs - "And after all, we will find our home." Now that doesn't mean being together. Peace also exists in places where there is nothing. There is peace in the fact that she is living her own life and I'm living my own. There is peace in the fact that there is no connection between the both of us. Maybe that is what peace really is. When you are alone. Thats when you really come to realize your inner self - so to say. Do I have anything else to say? I don't think so. Would I like to say something about this whole saga? Maybe. For me its just another chapter that is now laid to rest. That was supposed to be laid to rest. I believe I've stopped dreaming now, again. Living in reality makes more sense. Somehow I go back to feeling the same way, but thats just a short time really. The fact that she's not in my mind frame anymore is calming. She's like the wave you loved to surf but don't want to anymore because even though it was cool you just crashed down.
Why am I talking about this again, all of a sudden? Basically, nothing else has happened that seems to be important. At least, according to me. it was like a small spark in the middle of being monotonous. Thats all. Now I'm back to being all simple and monotonous and cold and non-receptive and into my own. Alone. I find peace that way. Just me and my music, just me and my pot, Thats it for now, I guess.
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