Deadmen

Would anyone like to share? You, back there? Who, me? Really? Do I really need to share? Or am I fine just hiding all my emotions and thoughts inside? I never knew there this blog would go when I started off. I really didn't know. At one time, it was a necessity. I couldn't sleep without writing something. And look at today - Its been a long time since I've even thought of writing something. Everything has changed so dramatically. Whatever had to happen, has happened. All the heavy and deep stuff is sort of over. For now. Things are currently boring. I surely have calmed down a lot, ill thank the pot for that, but I'm kind of bored with that as well. The only word that can come to my mind is awkward. I don't know why I can't control my dirty perverted thoughts when it comes to people. Im sure they are pissed with me about that. Im somehow really irritating people these days. Its maybe because I'm generally irritated myself. 

I really don't know. Ive lost interested in songwriting. Ive lost interest in doing anything that involves deep thinking or extensive work of the mind. I just don't know why. I really don't know what I want. If I really look at it, I guess I can just call a very small bunch of people my real friends. Somehow people make it so obvious that they don't like my presence or sometimes even my existence. Seriously man, if you have the guts - just tell me! You have a problem with me? Talk to me about it? Don't discuss it with other people. Don't try to spoil the other persons view point about me. I don't have any problem with you, I don't go around saying stuff about you do I? Or should I also start doing that? Sorry, I won't go down to that level. You never really care about me, but when you find out that I smoke - you give me an hour long lecture telling me to quit. Why? Why the concern all of a sudden? Sometimes, I really don't get people man. I have so many questions that are unanswered, unexplained. I really don't get how other humans work, why they work in such fucked up ways. Fuck, I'm just being true. Is it just hard to withstand something which is simply true? I guess that has been the problem all along, accepting the truth. Standing for what is right, standing for what is true. I guess that is where people fail. I guess thats where I prosper and I guess that is the reason I feel alone right now. There is just a lack of people who appreciate my existence. Im not saying that I mind that fact, but I would like things to be back to how they used to be. I want people to get back to being good. I want people to get back to being true, back to accepting the truth. 

Everyone are just like Deadmen, just a physical body - no soul. It really saddens me. Okay, you fucked up. Say sorry man, Id give you another chance. Stop being fucking EGOISTIC! Because of you and your changing attitude, trying to change me - I've been contradicting myself quite often these days. And I don't appreciate that. I have no intensions of falling in love, I have no intensions of connecting with anyone on a deeper level. Though I would still love the company of the geisha long lost and forgotten. She may be the one who comes and rescues me with her art and her aura. I just hope she somehow connects with my art, my soul and makes me feel something different. Feel the vibration, feel the bells toll. But do you really want to go down the same path again? 

One confused little boy. He is 17 now, but still has no idea what live has  in store for him. He is eager. He wants to know, he would go to any depths to find his answers. Until then, he waits patiently. He stares at the clouds and waits for the rain to fall on his face again. He waits for the sun in the morning to rise and give his life a new beginning. She wants the moon to glitter at night and make his life worthwhile. Even going into different worlds doesn't help. The pot is over for sometime now, and so is his song. Until then, he waits patiently.